Oy

So, if anyone knows anything at all about me then you know that I tend to keep all of my stress in my belly. And when I am upset or nervous or excited or anxious, well, you can almost certainly find me holed up in my bathroom. I know, gross. But unfortunately, that's who I am.
And today. Well, I am nervous. I start my new job tomorrow and I am freaking out more than I probably should be. Michael says I'm being irrational, but I don't think I am.
See, I've had my heart broken more than once by previous employers and I have let myself down numerous times when it comes to my career. And I feel that I have reached that point in my life where it's, well, excuse the expression, but "shit or get off the pot." I know, gross.
And I'm tired of just floating around and playing at work and not really ever accomplishing anything. I want to be successful at something for once in my life. I mean, geez, if my ovaries can't work then at least I can work, right?
And then there's Michael. I want so badly for him to be proud of me. I know, that's so ancient and anti-woman, but his approval is so important to me. And I know that he loves me and he says that he's proud of me no matter what and blah blah blah... it's just, well, he has such high standards for himself and for his own career that I can't see how he couldn't possibly hold me to those standards as well. And, so far, I haven't even come close to meeting those. And that makes me feel like crap. (geez there are a lot of poo references in this. Sorry.)
So, here I sit, don't worry, the laptop is not in the bathroom, brooding over my new job tomorrow hoping that the back pew in church this morning will be empty so that I can have a fast escape for when my tummy starts rumbling during the amens.

Where are the pictures?

One thing that I will always thank Wyoming for is all the beautiful photo opportunities that it provided me with. It was hard to not be inspired by the breath taking beauty that surrounded me everywhere I went. All of the animals and the mountains and the sunrises and sunsets, the snow, the wildflowers.... heck, even the weeds were photo worthy. It was just amazing. And thankfully, I now have a digital camera so I didn't have to max out a credit card buying film to document all of the beauty.
Now, we are back in Tennessee, which to my heart, is the most beautiful place in the world, but for some reason my camera has yet to leave its case.
Sure, I've thought about it. I go in our closet and I look at my camera bag and I try to think of something that I've seen that I would like to photograph and so far, I can't come up with anything.
Could it be that everything here is so familiar? It's all "been done?"
Maybe one reason I took so many pictures in Jackson was because I knew it was fleeting and that I needed to document everything so that I'd never forget it. Or maybe it was just different.
I don't know. But I know that tomorrow I am going on a photo hunt. And if I have to take pictures of my dogs then that's what I'll do. Then, I'll sit back and smile when Michael pokes fun and says, "Don't we have enough pictures of the dogs?!?"