Great Adventures?

This is a photo I took in Grand Cayman of an old couple that were snorkling together. They were so sweet, he would grab ahold of her life vest and pull her through the water and he never let go of her. If only we can all be so lucky.

You could die if you leave here

Not exactly what a person wants to hear from their ER doctor, but on Thursday that is exactly what Michael and I were told.
The day started out innocently enough, Michael had been sick the day before and I woke up at midnight feeling like I could actually die at that moment. So, at 8am on Thursday we hopped in a cab and hauled our sick asses to the doctor. Now, Michael is pretty tough, so even though he had a fever of 101, he was still functioning. I, on the other hand, tend to fall apart at even the slightest sneeze, so after a blood test and an EKG (because I also have anxiety attacks at the mere mention of doctors) my doctor suggested that we continue on to the NYU emergency room because I was extremely dehydrated and needed to have fluids (ie, an IV). So, another cab ride and I find myself being rushed back into the ER where I was hooked up to an IV and given two bags of fluids. Meanwhile, my heart continues to race and so the doctors perform yet another EKG. "We don't think you have the flu, we think it could be more serious. By the way, what do you do?"
"I'm a flight attendant."
"Have you been out of the country recently?"
"I was in San Juan last week." Big mistake, should have kept my mouth shut. Now these teaching doctors think I either have Lyme disease from being bitten by a Puerto Rican tick or blood clots on my lungs or perhaps, Lupus. (what ever happened to bronchitis or pneumonia?)
"We need to perform a chest Xray just to make sure nothing is wrong."
Xray performed - nothing wrong.
"We're still concerned, we need a urine sample and to do some more blood work."
Blood drawn out of other arm, pissed in a cup, again, found nothing.
"We just want to make sure there is nothing wrong with your lungs, so we're going to do a CAT scan."
"No, I want to go home, it's 3pm now, I haven't eaten today, I haven't had a single glass of water, and I want to go to bed."
"We don't recommend that, the CAT scan will only take 15 minutes, then you can go home."
(Let's keep in mind here that Michael has ALL the same symptoms, yet he is in the waiting room, and the doctors refuse to acknowledge the fact that whatever I have I caught from him.)Idiots.
CAT scan performed, no blood clots found, but "we found a little fluid on your lungs, this could be nothing, but it could be a serious life threatening disorder, we need to do one more test."
Ultrasound on my legs to check for blood clots and more blood drawn, this time out of the top of my foot and the tops of both hands.
No clots.
"I want to go home now."
"If you leave here you could die. We want to admit you and observe you and perform more tests."
"No, go get my husband, I'm going home."
Evil doctors then tell my sweet husband who has not been allowed back to see me yet that I am going to die if I leave (it is now 5PM).
So, upstairs I go to room 1751A. But only after evil doctors force me to take two extra strength antibiotics on a completely empty stomach (I am one of those people who will vomit up a pill on a full stomach) even after I protest and tell them as much.
Michael goes home to walk dogs and get my things, I quickly expel said antibiotics, now I have to get said drugs through an IV. Finally, at 9pm I get to do what I know my body needs to do to heal itself, and that is go to sleep.
Michael leaves in tears, convinced that I'm dead.
Next morning, surprise surprise, I feel fine, still tight in the chest, but no fever no aches, no death, that is until the nurse gives me more antibiotics through my IV and adds too much saline and almost burns my arm off. IV removed.
"We need to do a few more tests."
More blood work, and an Echo-cardiogram (4pm Friday).
Nothing nothing nothing.
Finally, at 6PM on Friday they release me to the tune of, "huh? We guess it was just one of those fluke bacterial infection things. Go home, rest and drink plenty of fluids. You will need to come back in a month for a follow-up, but hey you can go back to work today if you want to." (What the fuck?)
What does this teach us?
NEVER GO TO THE DOCTOR! DRINK GATORADE AND TOUGHEN UP AND NEVER NEVER NEVER GO TO THE DOCTOR!!!!! And most importently, if you do go to a doctor, Don't go to a teaching hospital! Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE TEACHING DOCTORS HOW TO BE DOCTORS AND SO THEY TEACH THEM TO PERFORM EVERY TEST KNOWN TO MAN!!!!!!
Needless to say, I called in sick today. I feel I need to recuperate after my so-called "healing experience."

Damn squirrels

I never thought that I would have to battle squirrels in New York. Pigeons? Sure, rats? Most definitely, Cockroaches? Absolutely. But squirrels? That's madness. But here I sit trying to figure out how to rid my patio of these fluffy tailed rats.
"You can't kill them, it's against city law," says my ever helpful hubby.
Really? I can't even kill a spider and he thinks I could kill a squirrel?
See, these pesky rodents are breaking all of my pots and eating all of my plants, which really aggravates me as I have made it a point to make sure they always have a bowl of peanuts for their consumption. Why eat plants when you can have nuts?
"Well, maybe if you stopped feeding them they would stop coming onto the patio." (Another shot of wisdom from hubby.)
Anyways, a friend suggested BloodMeal. Yes, this is exactly what it sounds like. Dried blood and crushed bone. This is sold in bags as a fertilizer, but it apparently also repels squirrels and bunnies and cats. So, I think, why not?
"You're not serious. You are not going to sprinkle blood all over our patio. That's disgusting, what happens when it rains, it'll look like a fucking massacre."
(Oh, sweet hubby)
Despite his protests I buy said bag of blood while he makes all sorts of gross vomiting noises and on the way home from plant store I look at him and request dinner.
"What are you going to do with your bag of blood? Put it on the table?"
"Yes, or perhaps in the seat next to me. I might even order it some nachos."
"You are so gross. I'm not having any part of your little blood scheme. Eww."
Well, after it is all said and done. I sprinkled my bag of blood in my plants (not all over the patio)and the squirrels have taken to eating their little peanuts and leaving my plants alone.
Yeah blood.

Never stick it in the freezer

Ok, so a few months ago I received a letter from my airline saying that the company was going to have to reduce the number of active flight attendants by 2500 and that I would possibly be affected by this involuntary furlough. In an attempt to reduce these numbers voluntary furlough packages would be offered. Blah blah blah. Stuck the letter in the freezer because it couldn't get me from in there.
So, a package was offered, 1300 flight attendants took it, I got a phone call, "you may still be furloughed..." Another package was offered, 650 flight attendants took it, another phone call, you and 262 other flight attendants ARE furloughed as of May 1.
I am now OK with this. I am even a little excited about this. Already planning on enjoying my little summer vacation collecting unemployment, already planning on visiting family, going to Aruba with my sister, playing with the dogs, going back to school... planning planning planning. Well, there is an old Jewish expression, "The best way to make God laugh is to make plans."
Sitting with Michael this morning, Saturday, fucking April 8, phone rings. "Hi! This is Debbie from Dipshit Airlines! Just wanted to share the good news with you! In case you hadn't heard, we offered one last opportunity for flight attendants to leave on their own and we had over two hundred take it, so no one is going to be furloughed! Isn't that unbelievable?!"
"Yes, yes Debbie it most certainly is." I may wet myself from the shock. I truly cannot believe it, that will teach me. That damn freezer has magical powers.
Bye bye summer vacation, hello hell.

Land of Boxes, Part 2