Panties in the Park

Today I was innocently deadheading the Spiraea bushes thoroughly enjoying the sound the Hudson crashing against the pier and listening to my volunteer tell me about her upcoming trip to Morocco when I noticed a piece of cloth tucked amongst the branches. I reached into the hedge and lo and behold I found myself gripping (in my gloved hand, thank the Lord) a pair of pale blue panties.
Now, my first thought was, ew that's really gross, and I dropped said panties.
My second thought was, gee, where is the owner of said panties?
So, what did I do? I started looking for a body laying under my bushes (one without panties on of course.)
Now, Michael thinks I'm crazy. But, I mean really. Law and Order is filmed in the park where I work, so they obviously know something that I don't about the amount of heinous panty pulling crimes that must occur there. Honestly.
Well, after a long search, unfortuately, no body was found. However, there were several condom wrappers also tossed under the bushes, so I'm even more extremely thankful for my gloves and I have a whole new respect for the trash guys who keep our park (apparently not so well) clean.