26 days, aka 4 weeks

I am the child of divorce, a broken family, the product of two people who could not make it work. And growing up I was always torn between my two parents, always caught in a battle between them. Who did I love the best? Who made the rules? Whose advise was I supposed to seek and to follow? Who got me on which holiday and what was I supposed to do when after 30 years apart my parents still couldn't get along?
Then, there were my two step-sisters and half brother. This family that was so close that I was only a part of every other weekend and for a month in the summer. They had their own secret club complete with handshakes and passwords and no matter what I did, I was never granted membership. Sure, they pretended to include me, let me play their games, but the closeness shared between the three of them never quite reached me. I was never privy to the secrets, to that special bond shared by siblings. I could never get in.
Now, I am a 30 year old woman. Married, no kids, and just about to start a new career in a new town, a new life, a new beginning. A fresh start. Some people would look at my life and tell me I was so lucky. I have a good husband, a loving mother, friends who truly care... but the illusive family... I still don't have.
And now, after 30 years of trying to belong or trying to fit in, I'm tired of it. I give up. I will never be a member of that family. No matter what I say or what I do. No matter how many birthday cards I send or Christmas cards I write. No matter how many holidays I sacrifice and hurt people that truly love me for them, it will never be enough. So, I made a decision that most people would probably not agree with, but in my heart I know that it is what I have to do, and that is to cut them off. I will no longer put myself in the hurtful environment of my two step-sisters. And holidays will be reserved for my husband, my mother, his family, and perhaps my half-brother(he's still a good man.) Don't get me wrong, I will always love them, but if I want to continue loving them, this is what I have to do. So, goodbye Amanda and Gretchen, God be with you.