Growing up

When I was a little girl inquisitive adults liked to ask me, "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Me, being precocious and well, pretty damn cute, would say, "I want to be a teacher. Then I can have summers to do what I really want to do which is be a fire fighter during the day and a ballerina at night."
Wow. I was so sure of myself back then.
Now I'm all grown up and I haven't a clue as to what I want to be.
On a flight last week I had a man tell his girlfriend not to listen to me because I'm "just a stupid stewardess." Really? Stupid? I thought I had done pretty well in school, but apparently he has a copy of my super secret transcripts. Maybe all the constant pressure on the planes has lowered my IQ without my knowledge.
I used to wear my title of Flight Attendant like a badge of honor. I liked the looks of wonder I would get. I liked people asking, "So, what's your route?" I liked the air of mystery surrounding flight crews. Then I poured tomato juice down my boot mid-flight and had to squish around for the next 12 hours and the job really lost some of its glamour.
Michael says "Do whatever you want, I just want you to be happy. Go be a server for all I care."
Really, a server? Is that all my husband thinks I can do? His answer to my dreams quandary is, "Do you think I dreamed of being a compliance specialist when I was a little boy?"
No, but I also don't think you dreamed of marrying Clark Gable either. He means well, it's just hard for him to understand. He's so confident and stubborn that even when life is hard he barrels through and makes it easy again. But he can't do that for me.
And, it's not that I want the dream, although I would look pretty cute in a tutu, it's just that I want to do something I'm proud of. I want to leave my mark. Make a difference. And I am so obviously not going to leave it in the form of a child, so that leaves my job.
I do know that I want to leave behind more than a full passport and a storage shed full of travel photos and postcards. That's just a fire hazard.