To love and to protect...

I don't remember much about my wedding day almost five years ago. I remember not sleeping the night before and I remember the preacher being late (30 minutes late) and I remember Rev. DeFur freaking out when my sister forgot to hand over Michael's ring and him trying to pull my ring (the band and engagement ring are sautered together) apart and the confusion that followed when Michael tried to explain that they were supposed to be that way. But, I don't remember much else. I don't remember lighting the candles I see us lighting in the photos and I certainly don't remember our vows. I remember Michael crying when he looked at me and recited them, but I don't remember what he said. But he was crying, so I felt pretty sure that he meant them and I've been to enough weddings to be pretty sure there was something in there about loving and honoring and protecting, but again, I don't remember.
But I know, and I will remember this, that last night he broke one of those vows.
The whole evening started out innocently enough. Walk to Circuit City, buy a printer, walk home. Well, unbeknownst to me, Michael had a bad day at work, so when Circuit City had no bags to put our new printer in, well, this pushed him right over the edge and evil Mikey came out to play. Lesson #1, keep mouth shut, walk one step behind and let husband rant and make a fool of himself on busy NYC sidewalk. Liquor up once home. Failed. Argument ensued on still busy NYC sidewalk. Name calling occurred, very ugly, extremely inappropriate behavior on both our parts.
But then, all of a sudden it wasn't funny anymore.
The dog lady appeared. With the dog. The dog that attacked me and her evil owner stepped out of a building three feet in front of us. (This happened just as I was telling him that he needed to learn how to behave in public and not be so rude to the poor cashiers and customer service industry people.) So, out she steps with the dog that I am now terrified of and he turns to me and says, "Oh, and there's a fine example of how you behave in public." And walked on. He left me shaking and scared on the sidewalk staring down a dog that attacked me and walked home. He didn't even pause to think about confronting this woman and killing her and protecting me. He mocked me and walked home, he left me.
The man that I have always called my guardian angel, the man who has always fought for me (literally and figuratively) the man who I've always joked and called my gigantor protector... He left me.
And now, 15 hours later, he still hasn't apologized, and he won't, and I don't know if I can ever forgive him. And now I wonder if he's still the man that I pledged my heart to. Maybe after all this world has put us through, maybe all the tests, the moves, the furloughs, the promotions, the lack of offspring, the dogs, the families... Maybe it's all finally too much.
A wise woman once told me that men are like shoes. Shoes don't stretch and men don't change. But, I think she may have been wrong. Because that man last night was not the man I cried with five years ago and as much as I hate to admit it, I think I may have known this for a while now. Because I've missed him.