Why won't I ever learn?

My Mother is coming to spend a week with me on Saturday. Notice, I said me, not us. The other half of us is leaving me for a week to attend a conference in Boston. So, it is just me, my mother, and her pomeranian, ZsaZsa.
I am so afraid.
(insert deep breath)
I have taken the week off work so that I can be a proper hostess.
(exhale)
But... I still have class.
"Don't worry honey, I'm bringing a book to read while you leave me to go to class."
(in with the good air)
I have bought tickets to a Broadway Show.
"Rent is fine sweetheart, although I heard The Color Purple is excellent..."
(out with the bad)
I have found a nice selection of girlie restaurants to entice her with.
"We don't have to eat out that much... last time I visited I got indegestion..."
(deep calming breaths)
I bought her a plane ticket with direct flights, no connections...
"6am is awfully early for a flight isn't it? But that's OK, I'm sure I'll be able to nap on the plane, although ZsaZsa might not be able to sleep..."
(yoga... maybe I need to go to yoga...)
I have planned a museum trip, boat ride, a pickle festival, a day of shopping/beauty...
"Honey, please don't run me around the city like you did last time, my back just can't take it, let's just go places you can drive to..."
(oh my god! Drive to!? With my Mother in the car?! Is she out of her freaking mind? In New York City? Hell NO! - deep breath - calm - go to your happy place - ahhhh)
Please, let me get through this week. I really want to live to my 5th wedding anniversary next Friday. And her ticket is non-refundable so it would be a shame if I had to kill her before she could complete her round trip... (I am only kidding, of course.)